Jin Diary:Your smile, My silence

Tuesday 18.May 20:45 o’clock

Dear live-journal,

Well, yea it’s been a while... 

Ok, it’s been just two days since I last wrote here, so I’m even faster in posting here than normal. But to me seemed those two days like eternity. Eternity, yea I guess it is the right word to describe this.

I didn’t sleep the last two days, what made Ryo totally angry since he is already working for four month in this hospital as doctor. 

I know he is just worried, because I also ate not that much since I’m here. I just don’t feel like eating.

Ryo can get really annoying sometimes! At least is Pi not like him, he understands the situation, and leaves me alone if I’m not in the mood to talk.

They both come by sometimes if they have time to accompany me while I’m sitting beside Kame.

Well, I’m just writing useless things here, that probably nobody is interested in.

I guess I should tell you now what happened in the last two days.

Well, you already know what happened on Sunday, but if you have forgotten it, (*sending death glare* How could anybody forget about what happened to MY Kame-chan!) 

I will tell you again that my Kame-chan got hurt BADLY in an accident. (And I’m writing BADLY because MY Kame-chan got REALLY BADLY HURT!!!!!)

Well, after I stopped writing in my live-journal did I talk to the doctor, and he told me that Kame is no longer in danger. Damn were I relived! But then told me the doctor something what gave me a HUGE SHOCK.

I wanted to cry and to scream at the same time. But I did nothing than stand there and look at the doctor. I wanted that someone would wake me up from this nightmare.

Kame, is paralysed below the waist. Means, he won’t be able to walk anymore!!!!!!!!!

My Kame-chan has to suffer so much just because I had to fight with him, just because I had to meet him to apologize. Damn, why didn’t I call him earlier, why did I call him anyway on this day. 

I know blaming myself won’t help him, but I can’t stop to sinking that this all is my fault.

The doctor said that they already operated him, and that there would be a 16 % chance that my Kame-chan will be able to walk again. 16 I really get to hate this number. At first is it the 16 of May when my Kame-chan has the accident and now are it only 16% chance for him to be able to walk again.

You ask why it are only 16% even thought he got a operation!

It’s because even thought the veins, nerves and everything are working, that out of the damage that happened through the accident his backbones have kind of lost the ability to get the information’s from his head to his feed.

So he has to learn everything again. Like a baby , has he to learn how to move his legs, his toes and everything. He might doesn’t even feel anything below his waist, means if it is like this that the chance for him to walk again is nearly zero.

I seriously didn’t know what I should do in this situation, and I still don’t know if I can really do anything for him.

I also got to know his friends. It was already past midnight speak Monday morning as the doctor came, and a short time after him came this three guy’s.

They also talked to the doctor, while I was still standing in shock where the doctor left me.

I didn’t hear their conversation, but it seemed that the doctor had told them the same news like me. All three got pale in their faces and looked like I felt: As if they had just hit a wall!

Then came one from them over to me. At first didn’t I notice that he wanted to talk to me. He introduced himself as Ueda Tatsuya and asked if I were Akanishi Jin. I couldn’t speak, so I just nodded slowly.

He told me that he received a text-message from Kame on Sunday morning. He showed it to me and said that I had to take care of his friend.

I read the message slowly and I felt like crying but I didn’t cry. 

I answered him just with this one sentence: “I will never leave him alone!” And I meant what I said, I’m not going to leave him just a second alone!

Ueda-san looked into my eyes and nodded that he understood. And I understood one thing too. That I had found the only one who I would want to give all my happiness just to see him smile.

Because in the message stood this:

Hi Tat-chan, my Bakanishi called. He says he wants to apologize so I’m heading of to him. I know you wouldn’t like this after I told you what happened on Friday, but you know also that I will never be able to live without him. I would wish to have him always by my side, because having him near me is the happiest thing in the world for me. ^__^ And I know that I will overcome every problem if he just doesn’t leave me. I will introduce him to you another time. I’m sure you will like him ones you get to know him. Bye. ~^-^

Of lack to know what else to do decided I simple to stay with him day and night to show him that I will support him. To show him that I will protect him and won’t leave him ever alone. So I’m sitting here by his side.

Monday did he sleep ht whole day, his friends stayed till 6 or 7 o’clock in the morning before they headed of to work and Uni. His father didn’t show up the whole day. (Not that I expected him to do after what Kame told me.)

Tuesday did he wake up for nearly a hour.

He smiled at me, (He was still to weak to speak!) and I just sat silent beside him. 

I held his hand, and the whole time he was awake did I not manage to say a word. I could have apologized, or said that I love him, but I just sat silent beside him. 

I simple didn’t know how to say all the things I want to say. 

You sure know this that you have to tell someone something really important, but that you don’t know how to say it. I wanted to tell him so many things but somehow was I unable to shape my thoughts into a understandable sentence.

I showed him the turtle (I had bound a bow around it to show that it is a present.) and he beamed at me, he obviously liked the present.

The doctor showed ones in this hour up to examine Kame, and to explain him what happened to him. 

But he didn’t tell him about his legs. 

He had told me before that we should wait until he is a bit better, so that the shock wont be to big. Since Kame is still in a bit critical condition could the psychical shock worsen Kames current state. 

So we are waiting one more day before we tell him.

He also had asked me before if I could be there when he tells him this bad news. 

He said that if someone is here that knows him well might make the impact of the shock not so big. 

I just nodded. 

So now is it my duty to calm my Kame-chan down ones he hears that he might wont be able to walk again.

I’m now tired. 

I thought that if would write into my live-journal that I would stay awake a bit longer, but writing here makes me just even more tired. So I’m stopping now since I want to stay awake till my Kame-chan hears the bad news.

Bye











Author's Note: Sorry, it took soooooooo looooong, but I couldn't find the time to write!! This should have actually been finished a week ago, @-@ but eventhought I just needed to write a view more sentences, did I not manage to finish it in time!! *-* Sorry, so I hope you guys are not to disappointed with this sequel!! >-< Comments are like always LOVED! \(^-^)/ 
And sorry for letting always Jin write the bad news! =X And also sorry for being such a cruel person! I know myself that I shouldn't do this to Kame!! =X