Kame Diary: Your daylight sunshine, My night misery

Wednesday 19 May 20:30 o’clock

Dear live-journal,

Sorry for writing so late, but I wasn’t able to write earlier. *-* A lot things happened the last day’s while I wasn’t able to write here. Yea, especially one thing that happened is going to change the rest of my whole live. m-m

You know that I was going to meet my Bakanishi on Sunday >-<, and yea I was kind a late because I couldn’t decide what to wear.

Luckily, (Or better unluckily! =| ) did I catch the last bus with which I should have been able to be on the right time in the café. I was so excited to see him again that I stood up before the bus reached my stop. 

I was going through the middle floor to the next door. And you know what a good view you have out of the front window when you are in the mid of the bus. lol (I sure will never forget the things I saw that day through the windows!)

I didn’t quiet realize it at first, as I looked out of the window to see how far away the bus where from his stop, but I saw a huge truck driving from the other side of the street right in the direction of my bus. @-@ 

It drove really fast in the direction of my bus. At first did it push away a little PKW and then crashed it right in the front of the bus. =X

I remember that I flew through half of the bus before I lost conscious, and that my back hurt really much. That’s kind a all I remember. =X

So, you know now why I didn’t write anything in the last days, is because I‘m in the hospital. I can’t write anything about what happened on Monday since I slept the whole day. +-+

On Tuesday was the first time that I work up after the accident. 

I couldn’t move much since my body hurt so much and I felt to tired. The first thing I saw after I managed to open my eyes was a really depressed and tired looking Akanishi Jin. His face was really pale and he looked nearly so bad as I felt. @-@

I couldn’t help myself but had to smile from happiness to see him by my side. ^______^

He didn’t say a word, but his eyes where red from tears and filled with this extreme worried look that just someone can give you if he really cared for you. 

My head ached a bit to see him so down, but in this moment overwhelmed me the happiness to see him again. ^___^

He also showed me a little turtle which had a bow around it. It was obviously a present for me. It was really a present that just a Bakanishi could give you. =P

He held the whole time my hand and didn’t even let go of it while the doctor came to examine me. ^___^ He still hadn’t spoken a word yet!! @-@

The doc told me about the accident, that the driver from the truck had fallen asleep while driving and that through the collision the truck and bus driver both died. T-T 

He also told me that I had really luck that I where still alive, since I nearly flew out of the front window right into the truck. @-@ (By those words grabbed Jin my hand really hard, nearly painfully. And his face got even paler than before, he looked nearly like a ghost. °-°) 

He also said that I must have grabbed unconscious one of the seats to stop myself from flying any further.

I didn’t noticed it that day, but he hadn’t really told me anything about my injuries. 

He just said before he had gone away, that he will come the next day and will explain the further steps to get me fit again, and how long it will take me to recover, and that I should rest now. *-*

I didn’t know that day that my injuries were that bad. So I fell asleep short time after the doc was gone. \(*-*)/

Today woke I around 12:00 o’clock up. 

Jin was still sitting by my side and holding my hand. ^-^ 

I managed to say Ohaio, my voice sounded really weak and it was hard to speak. 

Jin smiled weakly and also said Ohaio. 

We didn’t exchange any other words before the doctor came. Jin just looked down at me with his tiered and worried eyes. °-°

I still didn’t understand that time why he looked so worried, why he simple couldn’t be happy that I am save and not dead. @-@

As the doc was here asked he how I felt today and examined me and talked a bit about my injuries. 

That I mostly had cuts from the broken windows all over my body, that one of my ribs was broken from crashing against the seats, and that my right arm was kind a swollen from the sudden move I had made to not fly into the front window. 

Well, I also have some fractures on the head but he said that they are not that worse. °-°

Jin kept the whole time silent while the doctor talked to me. 

Something was really strange, normally he would talk the whole time, and I thought even the fact that I am lying in the hospital with some injuries wouldn’t change that fact. 

But he nearly didn’t say a word. (Moreover, the only time I heard his voice was this weak “Ohaio” we had exchanged before! @-@)

The reason for his silence should I get to know a short time after those thoughts crossed my mind.

The doc wasn’t finished yet with his report about my injuries, he had kept a short time silent after telling me the whole stuff I wrote before.

He then added that those wounds would heal within a few weeks. 

But that I also had damaged my backbones in the accident, so that I might not be able to walk again. 

I was shocked and couldn’t believe what I just heard, so I looked at Jin to try to read his face to find out if it was really true. He didn’t look at me, he kept staring with his pale face and tired eyes at my hand that he still refused to let go. ~_~

The doc then explained some details to it, that it where only 16% chance for me to walk again and that I had really a really hard time in front of me if I wouldn’t want to sit in the wheelchair for the rest of my live. +-+

Seriously, I didn’t really hear all of the things he explained to me, how I could gain the ability to walk again. 

I was to shocked and somehow got lost in my thoughts. *-* So many questions kept floating in my mind, and the only thing I was the whole time aware of was Jin’s hand that still kept pressing my own.

I understood now, why he didn’t smile really happily after I woke up, and why his smiles looked so forced, and why he kept silent the whole time. m-m 

He obviously must be thinking that he had to take responsible for this, of course he wouldn’t smile if he would get a burden bound to him, because he must think that it was his fault for calling me up. How could he smile at me?! =(

Having a boyfriend who is sitting in the wheelchair isn’t really something that he would have wanted as he met me! =/ 

Moreover seems he to be someone who wants to have much physical contact, and I simple wont be able any longer to give him what he wants! T-T

And you can be sure that I also would have wanted to feel him someday ones I could trust him enough to do some things with him! >-< *sighs* To write such things in my diary is a bit embarrassing, just to imagine to talk with Jin about such things makes me blush madly. 

My face is probably all read while I’m writing this. @-@

I tried to move my legs a little, but it didn’t really work. +-+ 

It was as if the whole strength was taken away out of my legs. 

Even thought my arms where injured, and weak could I fell some strength to move them properly, but with my legs was it different, I barely felled anything in the lower part of my body. 

It felt so weird, and I can’t really explain it. It felt somehow as if =/… as if =/… I don’t know kind a like I had some ghost legs from them the whole energy was taken. =X

Hell, what am I going to do now??? \(?-?)/

I don’t even feel really my legs. How am I supposed to live my live. 

Damn I’m living in the seventh floor, how should I be able to get there with wheelchair. That stupid elevator didn’t even work before I moved into my apartment. 

And my job! 

I wont even be able to earn money. 

And I can’t go back to my father, he sure would kick me out of the house ones I entered it. @-@

Well, Tat-chan visited before and told me that he would take care of everything, but I think he probably is thinking of letting me live in his house, and I cant do this for a long time, to bother him so much! *-*

Ah, before I forget, I haven’t told you about how it comes that I’m writing here even thought I’m in the hospital!

Well, I’m actually writing on Jin’s laptop. ^-^

“How can this be?” Are you surely asking. 


Well, after the doc was gone and Jin continued sitting by my side. (Still holding my hand! ^-^) Came after I don’t know how long time, (I was to lost in my thoughts to notice how much time had passed since the doc left! °-°) two friends of Jin.

They are called Yamashita Tomohisa, a student from Tôdai university, and Nishikido Ryo a new learned doctor.

Well, ones they showed up they immediately told me that Jin hadn’t slept the last days and hadn’t taken a bath either since he refused to leave me alone! ^____^ Such a Baka!! =P

Somehow they managed it then to get him to take a shower in the private rooms of the doctors. Well, I had to help to get him to leave me alone, and as I told him that I wanted to think about some things alone did he finally go with his friends.

This time he also said not that much. 

The most of the time would he shake his head to show that he didn’t want to go. 

Somehow am I getting really worried, he seems really down, and the fact that he doesn’t speak much makes me just even more worried!!!!!! >-<

Maybe I should tell him that he doesn’t need to take responsible for me since it isn’t his fault that all this happened. 

He sure wouldn’t feel that bad anymore, and could live a happy live without to bother himself with me!! @-@

Ah, and I still didn’t really explain why I’m able to write here, is because after Jin came back from showering his friends forced him to take a sleeping pill and now is he sleeping beside me in another hospital bed. (Well, they actually tricked him and gave him a glass juice with the pill in it! ;P)

His friends sure are weird, but they told me that I could use Jin’s laptop if I were bored, and that Jin sure wouldn’t mind. ^-^

It has gotten late, so I should stop writing. I have to think now about a lot of things, how I should continue my live, and what I’m going to do about Jin. @-@

I’m tired, my body still hurts, I really need to rest!! ~_~

O-yasumi

 
Author's Note: Well, yea this time I think I didn't really manage to capture the feelings of my beloved Akame!! °-° It has gotten kinda difficult to express their feelings, and somehow I think that especially Kame is, how do I put it??? not depressed enough!! I know this whole fic starts already to get really depressing!! @-@ But Kame seems to me always to be a bit to focused on Jin ?-? especially in his situation!! Or what do you guy's think???